Updated: Dec 3, 2019
As a holistic sexual wellness specialist, I have many couples come see me because they are unhappy or unsatisfied in their sexual relationship with one another. I want to share a story about one couple I worked with. The overall problem was they were not having good or frequent sex. Here is what we figured out: she hated his facial hair. It hurt her skin when he kissed her or went to lick her honey pot so she would push him away every time he would make a move. He was always feeling rejected and hurt that she didn’t want him. I asked her why she never told him. She said she did. I asked, how? She would tell him, “‘I think you are really sexy when you shave.’ When he shaved I would kiss him and have sex with him.” I turn to him and say, “So, what do you think?” He responds, “I had no idea at all that you felt that or needed that from me. If that is all it will take for me to have great sex, I will shave, no problem.” After that session they started having sex, and often, and still are. Sometimes all it takes is clear communication.
Remember, we usually think we are being clear… However, until you ask, “what do you think I said,” and they reply and are on the same page, it is always just assumptions. When I was in college studying to work with abused women and children we had a class on Paraphrasing, which at the time, I thought was soooo stupid! Fast forward into my coaching practice and it is one of the only tools I use on a daily basis. HAHAHA life is funny.
Here is a free video to learn how to Paraphrase with your partner https://youtu.be/lB6pfQ91PGs. The ability to communicate your feelings, thoughts, needs, and desires in your life and relationship is a game changer. How often is major to minor crap happening in your life and relationships because of a miscommunication? If you would like to become a MASTER of communication or would just love to figure out why your sex life is not rocking, come hang out with me for some coaching or courses at .
Another common reason why couples in sexless relationships come see me is Low Libido in one or both partners. There are so many reasons behind this, I will write another article to explore them, I promise. However, I want to talk about the most common reason that I see in my clients: Boring sex. When the mind knows what is about to happen every time, it stops producing the sexy bio chemicals like dopamine, which is one of the sexy, exciting drugs that our bodies need to be excited and turned on. An easy fix for this is to spice things up with mixing up the sequences of how you have sex. If it is usually kissing, oral, and then intercourse/penetration until orgasms/ejacualation, then sleep... always in the bed… then mix it up:
*With oral sex
*Then more oral sex
*Then hand play
Just as example – PLEASE DO NOT make this the new sex sequence everytime… lol if you want to keep it fresh with excitement. P.S. add some toys, change up the location, try some role play, and add a blindfold...
I have teamed up with Male empowerment coach Lee Watson to create a 7 week guided online course “ Dawn Of A New Man- Mastery Of Your Life “ for men. This course will help you bring your sexy back! https://succulent-living.teachable.com/p/dawn-of-a-new-man-mastery-of-your-life-online-program
Until next time have a very sexy bum wiggling day!